Survive An Affair – The Cheater’s Perspective
For whatever reason, you made a decision to cheat on your spouse or mate. But lately you have been wracked with feelings of guilt. Can your relationship survive an affair? If you are feeling guilty but don’t care, it’s probably time to end your marriage or relationship. The intimacy, trust and love you once had for your partner has disappeared. The thrill of your new relationship excites you sexually and emotionally consuming your thoughts. Show some respect to your spouse and end your relationship so they too can move on.
Survive an Affair If You Still Love Your Spouse…
However, if you want to survive your affair and rebuild your marriage, you must take responsibility for your cheating. Obviously the first step is to end your affair NOW. Next, you must be honest with yourself. You chose to cheat – it was not your spouse’s fault. They didn’t drive you to have an affair. Even if you had problems, no one forced you to run into your lover’s arms instead of working out your issues in your marriage together.
After Taking Responsibility – What Next?
Confessing to your spouse, no matter how difficult, begins your journey to healing your relationship. Be genuinely sorry by offering sincere apologies. But with your apology you must recognize the pain and hurt you have caused.
Your spouse must feel that YOU understand what your behavior has brought to your marriage. Trust and intimacy has been broken and only time, understanding and honesty can hope to regain your intimacy.
Give Your Partner Some Space
Your partner will need some room to breathe and process everything. Even if they had a suspicion of your infidelity, wondering and finding out are two different things. Your husband or wife’s thoughts are spinning and they will have to answer some tough questions about you and if your relationship is worth saving. By giving them the time they need, you are also giving them a chance to begin to heal, forgive, and think about why they loved you in the first place. Be patient!
Trust Can Only Be Earned
It’s not realistic to expect your partner to trust you for a while after your confession. Earn his or her trust by following through on everything you say while they start to heal and beginning trusting you again little by little. You must also work on yourself if surviving infidelity is to happen. Learn to forgive yourself, not forget, by trying to let go of all your harmful emotions. Forgiveness allows you to talk with your partner about your affair without your guilt and shame exploding into anger at them or yourself.
Can You Survive An Affair?
Hopefully they will see your deep level of commitment to being honest and saving your marriage. When they realize that owning up to your mistake shows your strength of character, it will help them remember your good qualities. Slowly, as they heal, the trust, respect, and love will grow because they want to rebuild your marriage too. Leaning how to survive an affair requires tremendous honesty, forgiveness, patience, and love. Your rewards may just be a stronger, deeper relationship.
Surviving a Marital Affair – Can You Save Your Marriage?
A marital affair is defined as an illicit romantic and sexual relationship outside your marriage. Surviving an affair can be very grueling and depressing for you, but it can be done! Although some couples who are faced with infidelity immediately divorce; some stay, heal, and rebuild their marriage. If you think that what you and your partner shared is special and can be saved, don’t let one mistake ruin your marriage and family.
Your marriage can survive an affair, but it is not going to be easy. It will definitely hurt all of the people who are involved and it will take more than time to heal. Your anger, shame, guilt and depression can overwhelm you. Trusting him or her again may be the toughest challenge for you. Accepting that there will be many difficulties; commitment, understanding and complete honesty will give your marriage a chance to be saved.
Can an affair help your marriage?
Believe it or not, some marriages become stronger after a marital affair. For someone who has not experienced it, this concept seems rather crazy! But, sometimes an infidelity can make people realize how much they love their spouse and do not want to end their marriage. If both partners can agree to save their marriage because of love, and love alone, they will have taken a big first step in saving their relationship.
So what does “because of love, and love alone” mean? Many couples, more often than not, only try to fix things and save their marriage for the sake of their kids or financial stability. You have to understand that these reasons are not enough to stay in your marriage. The underlying anger, pain, guilt and images of him or her cheating will still be there bubbling just beneath the surface. Things will just get worse if you fight every day, bringing up the past, especially when you have kids. No matter how angry you get, NEVER bring up the affair in front of your children.
It takes two to heal
If you both choose to save your marriage, acceptance is the key. If each of you accepts the fact that perhaps both of you did things that contributed to the mess you are in, you can forgive each other and yourselves. Or if you had no fault, accept what happened and be willing to begin to heal. Forgiveness is an essential step in recovering from an infidelity, so if you can’t forgive, your marriage is probably over. If you are able to forgive, you can move forward together, heal, and maybe someday, you can forget.
It may take a long time to regain what you have lost because of their marital affair. But if you want save your marriage badly enough, it will come. Discover the keys to learning how to survive an affair, begin to recover one step at a time, and move forward together. If you are lucky, your intimacy, love, and marital bond with each other will become stronger than before the affair!
Emotional Cheating – Trust and Intimacy Shattered By An Emotional Affair
Emotional cheating is being emotionally unfaithful to you. Although physical intimacy is not involved, this kind of affair can be just as devastating as a sexual affair. This type of cheating cannot be spotted the same way as traditional cheating so it makes it more difficult to discover. Most of the time, the moment you find out about it, it has already developed into something very serious or a real affair with physical intimacy.
Emotional cheating can be stronger than a real affair because you can rule out the “it’s just physical” reason. An emotional affair is more about sharing and loving that can develop into an intimacy reserved for you, their spouse. It is not just a physical thing but a more serious, deeper connection, and that can be more painful to take.
Your husband or wife did not intend to be emotionally unfaithful to you. Most of the time, it just starts out as a plain and platonic friendship between two people, many times co-workers. When they start to spend more time together and get to know each other well, an attraction develops. They begin to share their problems, joys, as well as their dreams to each other. They become closer and develop an emotional bond.
The problem with this kind of affair is that it is hard for you to confront your partner about it because they can simply say “we are just friends.” Since they do not have a physical intimacy or something concrete you can use as proof, it can make you look like the bad guy, paranoid and suspicious.
So how can an emotional affair make you feel worse than a sexual one? For one, your stress and anxiety over discovering your spouse is having an emotional affair can turn into paranoia as you wonder if and when the sexual affair will begin. This constant fear of your spouse crossing the physical line can be more damaging than if they had already cheated! At least if they have had sex, you know it has happened, and you can move on from there whichever way you choose.
If you think your partner is emotionally cheating on you, spend time with him or her. Try to discuss your relationship and make them understand that you feel like you are losing YOUR special intimacy with them, and why. If something is really going on, then you will see it by his or her reactions. Little things like not looking into your eyes or looking uneasy during the conversation can be proof enough that you are right. If your partner has broken your trust, you must decide whether or not saving your marriage is worth it.
An emotional affair is not to be taken lightly. Emotional cheating crosses the line when he or she shares the intimacy reserved for you. You have earned this right through your special bond of marriage. Its effects are just as damaging to you as a sexual infidelity. Surviving an emotional infidelity is very possible as long as both of you admit to your feelings and create a joint decision to rebuild your intimacy. Never underestimate the seriousness of an emotional affair!
An Emotional Affair Can Destroy Your Marriage
An emotional affair is an affair between two people that has emotional intimacy, but no sex. This type of affair usually begins as an innocent friendship which develops an emotional bond. Since one or both people are involved in a monogamous relationship, sharing intimacy with another is cheating.
Although an emotional affair does not involve any physical intimacy, it can be considered cheating, and may hurt the intimacy of an existing relationship. While there are people who believe that an emotional affair is harmless, it is often a gateway to full blown infidelity.
For many people, being deceived and betrayed can be the most painful thing to experience in a relationship. Not only is your spouse not sharing their deepest thoughts with you, but in fact, they are sharing their feelings with someone other than you! You have earned that right as their spouse, but now your bond has been broken.
Although people in an emotional affair feel guilt free because of the absence of physical intimacy, their partners may feel as damaged as when their partner engages in a sexual affair. You may feel the agony and stress of not knowing if, or when, it may erupt into a sexual affair.
There are a number of signs that can make you aware if you or your partner is beginning to develop an emotional affair. For one, you feel like you are withdrawing from your partner. You become uninterested in being intimate with him or her, whether it is physically or emotionally. You also begin to look forward to spending time and being alone with the other person. You begin to share your hopes, dreams and troubles. Finally when your partner confronts you about it, you become defensive. You will start to hide secrets from your partner and share more with the other person too.
All of these signs can be the start of your relationship’s downfall. Your slippery slope can lead you right into the other person’s arms. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with other people outside your relationship, what becomes wrong is when you start to feel a different kind of attraction to them and it doesn’t stop.
An emotional affair is an infidelity and is a serious matter. Remember that if you commit to a relationship, you commit to being honest and faithful to your partner, always. If you think that you have grown apart, share your feelings with your partner, not someone else. It is better to tell them upfront and end your illicit relationship, than leave them hoping that you still love them.
Overcoming Guilt and Shame After a Marital Affair
Is it possible for you survive a marital affair or infidelity? Finding out your husband or wife cheated can devastate you. But if you choose surviving infidelity as your course of action, what will happen when you try to rebuild your marriage? If you have been deceived, but decided to stay in the relationship, how do you determine what is necessary for you to heal and rekindle your love.
The deception in cheating is not the only issue. Lying speaks to the question of character. Is your husband or wife a fraud? Are they the person you thought you married? The searing pain in your heart burns because your spouse shared their feelings, emotions, and physical pleasure with their lover INSTEAD of you. Your marital bond grants you this special intimacy, reserved only for you. The crux of your problem lies here.
If your spouse admits to the marital affair and genuinely admits wrongdoing, this is a first step for both of you to start the long process of healing and saving your marriage. However, starting from scratch poses difficult obstacles for both of you to overcome. But if you really want it bad enough, you can choose to save your relationship if you are willing to work together.
Sometimes your spouse resists change, not because they wish to, but because their shame and guilt makes it very difficult to face you and honestly confront their cheating. Helping yourself accept what happened determines how your relationship moves forward. Even with his or her initial difficulty facing the issues, creating a stronger, healthier you results in a better chance to recover from a marital infidelity.
Look closely at your marriage the past few years and see if there were signs of trouble. Maybe both of you buried your heads in the sand. Maybe you pushed away or took your spouse for granted without knowing it. Obviously, this does not give them the right to cheat. But it may show you where the trouble began and help you both down the path to rebuilding your marriage.
Now the time has come to put all the cards on the table. A complete, honest confession by your spouse AND your nonjudgmental expression of the pain caused can get the ball rolling. To earn trust, secrets and deep feelings must be shared. Although overcoming the shame and guilt in both of you can overwhelm, explaining these feelings to each other can lead to healing.
Once the healing begins, each day can lead to a stronger bond and spark your special intimacy damaged by the marital affair. So finding the right steps to take down your path to healing and forgiveness will save your marriage.
Is Your Husband Cheating By Having An Emotional Affair?
It’s quite easy for someone like your husband to begin an emotional affair without realizing it. If he works very closely with a female co-worker for a period of time, your husband could develop a deeper attraction above and beyond a working relationship. Working as a team in a business environment invariably leads to sharing family stories, past history, dreams or issues in their lives.
So, is your husband cheating by having an emotional affair? If he is spending time with her that should be with you, then yes. Or if he is confiding his problems to her or showing affection meant for you, he is violating your intimacy reserved for you in your marriage.
Signs Your Husband May Be Having An Emotional Affair:
*He cares more about his appearance before going to work or a special business meeting. Maybe he has started working out when never showing an interest before.
*He suddenly has more after work business meetings and says you should stay home so you won’t be bored – he’ll be happy to go alone.
*Excusing himself to talk on his phone or using your computer in a secretive manner – closing the door when using your pc or quickly closing the window he’s been viewing.
*A sure sign he’s involved emotionally is he talks about her often. “Stacy said this” and “Stacy did that” in obvious admiration. If he gushes about her in a way unrelated to work, you may have a problem.
If your husband exhibits more than one of these signs, he may be having an emotional affair without even realizing it. Your loss of the special intimacy in your marriage you’ve earned is not your only problem. His emotional infidelity could easily lead to a physical affair after growing closer and closer to this woman.
Use these signs to figure out if your husband is having an emotional affair. Your husband cheating emotionally can turn into a physical affair making matters worse. Hopefully you have nothing to worry about. But ignoring these signs could undermine your relationship.
An Affair of the Heart – It Can Destroy You
Have you been a loving and faithful wife? Did you think your marriage was good, although realizing you had your ups and downs like all relationships? Suddenly you discover your husband has had an affair of the heart. It doesn’t matter HOW you found out, just that YOU DID find out.
Finding out your husband has been cheating on you can be the most devastating feeling you’ve had since being married. Your uncontrollable pain, betrayal, jealousy, guilt and rage overwhelm you. You feel alone wondering why this happened to you.
A University of Chicago study conducted from 1990 to 2002 discovered that:
17% of all married adults who say their marriage is pretty happy admitted to a marital affair.
10% of all married adults who say their marriage is very happy also acknowledged having an affair.
This statistic probably shocks you too! I know you can’t understand how anyone in a happy relationship would have to cheat. I can’t fathom it either! Over one fourth of married adults in this study admitted to having a good marriage, yet they cheated on their spouse anyway.
Did your husband have an affair of the heart out of boredom, or because he didn’t love you anymore? Did he cheat even though you had a “good” marriage? Of course, in the initial stages you’re went through, it really doesn’t matter. You just know you’ve been hurt terribly and feel like your world has been shattered.
What can you do next?
Do you still love him & are committed to saving your marriage?
Is he willing to be open & honest with you?
Learning the right steps to take in the right order is your key. Download this free report called How to Survive an Affair to discover options you probably didn’t know you had. An affair of the heart doesn’t have to mean your marriage is over. If you’re a romantic, you feel the same way too.
Is Your Husband Cheating?
You had an awful feeling that something wasn’t quite right with your husband. You couldn’t help but feel he was pulling away from you – but towards what or who? Unfortunately, the question, is your husband cheating, has been answered. You caught and confronted him. Now the fireworks begin for you, him and your relationship. As the spouse being cheated on, the questions, images and emotions engulf you. You feel like you’re losing your mind.
GUILT: Was it your fault? Did you do something wrong?
RAGE: You want to hurt him physically or by having an affair too
JEALOUSY: What does she have that you don’t?
IMAGES: Pictures or a “movie” playing of him and her together fill your mind
As your tears dry up and you can control your flood of emotions somewhat, you realize you do love your husband. But, can you begin to forgive and learn how to save your marriage. Your problem is trying to come to terms with your many feelings. Maybe you can alleviate the guilt, but your rage or jealousy becomes worse. Through hard work and effort, you have your guilt and rage under control, but you still are unable to shatter the images of them in bed.
How Can You Control ALL Your Emotions?
Is Your Husband Cheating
Since your husband cheating has sent your life into turmoil and complete chaos, how do you know what to do next? Being willing to give your heart and soul to saving your marriage might not be enough. Which path should you take? What happens when you and your husband reach a fork in the road? Both of your intense feelings about his marital affair create enormous obstacles along your road to healing.
Being objective is extremely difficult when you’re right in the middle of this giant whirlpool threatening to pull you under. An objective plan to minimize the hurt feelings and intense emotions would create the ideal path to saving your relationship. Following a sensible guide like the “How to Survive An Affair” course, will teach you to have a more transparent relationship by building a foundation of trust.
Does An Emotional Affair Hurt Too
Imagine finding out your husband has been receiving calls and texts from a woman colleague. Sometimes he gets them on weekends when he is supposed to be spending his time off with you. You confront him and he admits to having a more than co-worker relationship, but insists she is just a friend. Is your husband cheating? If he is confiding in her instead of you, then yes, he may be having an emotional affair.
You think to yourself that you and your marriage need attention. So why is he putting his efforts into a new relationship. Why doesn’t he show the same sparkle when he’s with you? If he’s involved with her in a truly personal relationship of some intensity, anger, sadness and intense jealousy are normal reactions. Your intimacy in your marriage belongs to YOU and your husband! It’s that loss of intimacy that causes the deep hurt you feel.
An Emotional Affair Does Hurt – Tremendously
If you let the anger and jealousy fester, paranoia and guilt will consume you. Has his emotional affair erupted into a physical marital affair? If not yet, then WHEN? Blaming yourself just increases your pain. The uncertainty of not knowing can be worse than the actual infidelity. Your husband cheating and destroying your intimacy can ruin your marriage forever.
What should you do?
Obviously, you must talk with each other and put everything out there. However, working hard together is only one part of the solution. How do you resolve the intense feelings of betrayal, jealousy, guilt, etc. so you are able to save your relationship?
It’s difficult to think logically and know the correct steps to take when your mind is boiling with emotions. Putting your heart and soul into a proven course like “How to Survive an Affair” is a great way to rebuild your marriage after your husband’s emotional affair. Healing dissolves your pain. You don’t have to share your special intimacy between your husband with anyone.
Surviving Infidelity – Overcoming Jealousy
After a marital affair, can you possibly go forward in your life by surviving infidelity and overcoming jealousy? Your spouse has had an affair and you have finally caught them. It doesn’t really matter how you found out, only that you are devastated. The confrontation with your spouse about their cheating and that explosive moment has passed. But now you are left to pick up the pieces – not only of your life but also of your relationship.
As you try to move on, you can’t stop the feelings of jealousy. Imagined scenarios created in your mind starring your spouse and their lover fuel your jealousy. It becomes real to you so surviving infidelity by overcoming your jealousy seems impossible. Jealousy can eat you up alive.
*Is she prettier than me?
*Why is he sleeping with her & not me?
*What does he see in her?
Sometimes it’s like a movie in your head. A soundtrack of your favorite music in the background fuels your jealousy and anger even more. You think to yourself, this is your music. Why is it playing while he is with her? You imagine how beautiful she looks. You see them laughing together like you and he did.
Surviving infidelity after your spouse has cheated on you is extremely difficult because of the many emotions experienced after a an affair. Uncontrollable jealousy will gnaw away at you like a cancer destroying any chance you have of surviving this affair.
In Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s course, “How to Survive an Affair,” he guides you through simple, effective exercises to clean your mind of all those scenarios you created. Following step-by-step, you will eradicate your “jealousy cancer” and you will be one step closer to surviving infidelity.
