Surviving Infidelity Is It Possible?
It doesn’t matter how you found out: racy emails with pictures on your computer, her number on his cell phone, texts and pictures sent to his cell, or perfume or lipstick on his shirt.
Realizing without a shadow of doubt your spouse or significant other is cheating on you is a devastating blow that rocks your world to its foundation. When I discovered my husband was having an affair, anger, shock, disbelief, and rage swept over me like tidal waves, one after another.
How could that bastard CHEAT on me?!
We had been married for nine years! What happened to “for better or for worse” and “until death do us part?” He was my best friend and soul mate! The sense of betrayal was unbearable. Was surviving infidelity possible for us.
After my initial shock, uncontrollable shaking and a blanket of pure pain enveloped me. I began crying like there was no tomorrow. I sank down into my couch. All these feelings and emotions flooded my body and mind for what seemed like an eternity.
Finally, I forced myself up, quite dazed and confused, and began doing some mindless chores. All I felt was pain; a dull aching, with bolts of intense pain like a nasty toothache. I could not escape it.
For those of you in the same situation, you know what happens next. Even though it was NOT your fault, you start blaming yourself. Questions running constantly through your mind like a runaway train:
Were you still attractive to him?
Did you not pay enough attention to him?
Maybe you didn’t excite him any more in bed.
WAS IT YOUR FAULT HE WAS UNFAITHFUL?
What do all these thoughts and questions have in common? GUILT! Do you have these terrible feelings of guilt as if it was YOUR fault your husband went out and had an affair. You know guilt is a powerful emotion that can eat away at you emotionally and physically. It can destroy your life! In the aftermath of his marital affair, did your guilt became just as big an issue as the cheating? If you put aside your guilt, do these questions haunt you too?
Should you have an affair?
Will he leave you? Should you leave him?
Can you live without him? (emotionally, physically, or financially)
Do you still love him? Can you forgive him?
How Do You Survive a Marital Affair?
I was lucky. One of my best friends introduced me to a course called How to Survive An Affair by Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D. He teaches and helps you answer your questions so you can begin healing and work through your anger and feelings of betrayal.
Opening up and working together to save your marriage is you and your husband’s next step. Your commitment to each other can resurface so you can face your demons together and, be proud to say, your marriage is stronger than ever.
Surviving Infidelity is your goal. My hope is that this blog will help guide all of you, women and men, to survive a marital affair. Moving on with your lives with a positive self image empowers you to seek your own path. Surviving infidelity happens every day and can light the way to a deeper, more rewarding relationship for you.